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by Gari Meacham, wife of former MLB player & current Blue Jays MiLB coach Bobby Meacham
Hi sweet friends ~
After observing women for years and living as one for five decades, I’ve come to a stark realization—we’re fighting and swinging in every direction. Look better, feel better, pray better, marry better, parent better…the list goes on. In the midst of trying to live better it seems I’ve gotten involved with someone who makes me worse. Someone who’s nagging, badgering, and condemning—agitated, fault-finding, and distant.
Is there someone I’m better suited for? Someone who’ll understand my needs and share my heart? I know it’s time for a break-up…a shake-up…a fresh beginning—but this break-up is especially hard since the person I need to break-up with is me!
Break-ups are painful but here’s the good news; once you’re past the tears and awkward severing—the promise of freedom is on its way. To help your break-up go smoothly I’ve devised a plan to help you stay the course. In four easy steps you can learn How to Break Up with Yourself!
1. Admit that you’re not right for you
Have you fallen into ruts of behavior? Do you act and react in ways that are predicatively harmful? Are you yelling, threatening and bribing yourself into a cultural submission that has nothing to do with God’s blueprint for your life? I lived this way for years; hoping to be cherished by others while inwardly beating myself up. I finally realized both these approaches are wrong. I don’t have to try to be cherished by God, I already am. And like a couple who smiles in public and claws at each other in private – I no longer want to bleed. I’m breaking up with the nagging, never-good-enough, fault-finding me. I’m now involved with a me that believes “My adequacy doesn’t come from myself, my adequacy comes from God.” (2 Cor. 3)
2. Have the tough conversation
In every bad relationship there comes a time for “the talk.” The talk tells it like it is – it draws boundaries and then camps on them. When I decided to break up with myself I realized I wasn’t hearing truth. Lies (you won’t ever amount to much), secrets (if people knew the real you they would shudder), undisciplined chants (why can’t you control yourself?), overly-disciplined chants (be perfect or quit)… all stink of a lover gone bad. I sat myself down and explained “I refuse to listen to you any longer. You’ve been deceived (the roaring lion devours – 1 Peter) and you’ve hurt me long enough. We’re through…it’s over…move on.”
3. Allow time for relational detox
For years I was bullied by the thoughts, demands, and ideals of a mean partner; after the break-up it was tempting to rush back to something that felt like home. Shopping, eating, busying, distracting – anything to cover the loneliness that seeps through the cracks of a new identity. This is where I met with a new kind of lover. One that said “Arise, my darling, my beautiful one, and come along. For behold, the winter is past, the rain is over and gone.” (Song of Songs)
Relational detox helps us believe in a new kind of love. A love that starts with “For God so loved the world…” and ends with “He gave His only Son”.
4. Enjoy your new status and pursue the new you
With a new relational status comes a fresh pile of hope. Words like dream, believe, faith, trust, and courage are part of your new profile. Never to grovel or whimper again – you’re free to live like a caged animal that’s been set free.
How wonderful to be set free from me!
Gari Meacham is a beloved author and speaker. Her highly acclaimed books “Truly Fed”, “Spirit Hunger” and “Watershed Moments” invite people to truly engage God. Learn more about her at GariMeacham.com.